I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
