do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
