and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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