This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
