why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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