i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
