YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
