I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
