had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
