end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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