She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
