He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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