Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
