She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
