I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
