hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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