Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
