Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
