there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
be right there i have to get my cape
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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