I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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