Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's the barista slut.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
