Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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