If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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