Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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