I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
