Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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