I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
