she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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