How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
