yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
