This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
