i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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