Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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