i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
