I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize