I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
