She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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