Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
