guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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