I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
