Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
