i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
