i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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