I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize