So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
