i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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