I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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