no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
