dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize