brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
