So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
