no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
