I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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