I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
