ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
