i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
