"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
