i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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