I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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