Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize