I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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