He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She told me I should be a condom model.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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