True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
