If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
