Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
