when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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