Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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