I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
