I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Panties = found
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