my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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