I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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