It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
