Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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