Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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