WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
