my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
