it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
