I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
