This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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