What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
