I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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