There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
