therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
