bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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