She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
