Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
