another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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