So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
