I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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