So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
