Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
a search helicopter?!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
