He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
