We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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