he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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